Christmas 2007

Another year is passing - a hectic year at that. It began with optimism - a new job, a great opportunity, finally “making it” - then suffered great disappointment. But out of those ashes came a quick, almost seamless renewal - one where the goals of the new job were not just met, but in many cases exceeded.

Next year is right around the corner. It holds both fear and promise. Fear because it I reach that clear, unambiguous milestone of middle age - 50. What will the last have - my “declining years” - be like? I can no longer go through life with blinders on as to aging - I now have to face it as it faces me.

Hope because of the successes through the troubles of ‘07, because of some ideas that I’ve got that could turn into great successes, and because after all of the shit that has gone on over the past ten years - the jobs, the moves, the fights - my family remains together and stronger - if a bit dented.

Also, the kids are no longer children, but young adults - with independent minds and sense of their own. The daughter, particularly, is getting to the point where you can see that she’ll be on he own in a few short years. The son is hanging on to childhood as long as he can, but as I now know succinctly, hanging on to youth is a loosing battle.

I’m one who always suffers melancholy during the holidays. This one is no different - although the depression is perhaps less pointed. It is there, it is real, but it is affecting me less. Maybe I’m just a little too battered by it all.

I do hope that we can get to a point where we’re optimistic about our kids’ futures. Not just me, but society as a whole. Will they “do better” economically than I? Maybe yes, maybe no, but hopefully they will discover more consistent happiness in their lives and accomplishments than I’ve been able to muster. Maybe that’s the “more” I wish for them - more happiness, more satisfaction, more connection with the reality around them than I’ve ever had.

With that, I’ll close this Christmas morning commentary. The melancholy is kicking in (no surprise) and nothing can really relieve its cloak.